THE MINISTRY OF ANGELS

So this week for Relief Society our lesson was going to be on the talk "The Ministry of Angels" given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland in the Nov. conference of last year. I have read this talk before but I was reading it to prepare for our class in Relief Society today. In the talk a few points that stuck out to me is where he says, ..." but seen or unseen they are always near. Occasionally the angelic purpose is to warn. But most often it is to comfort, to provide some form of merciful attention, guidance in difficult times. I ask everyone within the sound of my voice to take heart, be filled with faith, and remember the Lord has said He "would fight our battles, our childrens battles", and the battles of our children's children. And what do we do to merit such a defense? We are to "search diligently, pray always, and be believing. Then all things shall work together for our good, if we walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith we have covenanted." The latter days are not a time to fear and tremble. They are a time to be believing and remember our covenants. Also God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges we face. While pondering these things I was looking at my wall covered in pictures of Wes and my life for the past 29 years. A friend once told me that at some point Im going to have to take down my pictures of Wes and I was very offended and I cried for a long time. But as I was reading this talk and thinking I got up and started to take down the pictures I have of Wes and even pictures of the both of us. This was somewhat painful for me. I felt like I was betraying him by taking these pictures down. I cried and cried but eventually what brought me peace was knowing that Wes is one of my angels and he is with me all the time. I realized that I didnt need a shrine dedicated to him in my room because he is always in my heart. I put all the clothes of his that I have, his pictures, letters he wrote me in a box. I couldnt believe that I actually did it. I have 2 framed pictures of him on my desk. One of him by himself and one of us together. I know that Heavenly Father loves me and is truly mindful of my trials and my pain but also my wishes. I find peace in knowing Wes is busy doing the Lords work. I know Wes would want me to move forward with my life and he wants me to be happy. Doing this was truly a big step for me. It was very emotional for me but I got thru it. I truly love the gospel and the Lord and my Savior Jesus Christ. I pray that I will fulfill my divine purpose and return to Him one day.

YSA CONFERENCE

I had to share this funny experience with you guys. I was asked by a member of the Stake Presidency to bear my testimony for this kickoff fireside. I gladly accepted the request. I thought no big deal. Well, I went to this fireside and I didn't know it was like a multi stake. So there were tons of people. I started getting really nervous when people kept walking in. They opened the partition thing in the back and I was telling my girlfriends, "I think I'm gonna throw up." I really started to think about what I was going to say. Then I couldn't remember what Pres. Chase said to bear my testimony on. I was sweating big time. After the talk by one of the general authorities and a power point presentation given by our Stake President explaining this statewide, 3 month fellowship conference, for all the YSA's in California. I was like wow. I was thinking they probably asked several people to bear their testimonies but come to find out they only asked 2. Me and another guy. I felt immediate pressure and my nerves were shot and my heart was beating so fast I thought I was going to pass out. But I got up and bore my testimony. I started off with telling a little bit about my inactivity in the church for so many years and I talked of Wes death and how that was a wake up call for me. I never realized that until I said it bearing my testimony but it was. I know I would have kept living my life the way I was if he was still here. Wes' death made me go to the Lord for help and comfort when no one in this world could understand my pain. I never would have ever thought 4 months ago of preparing to go to the temple to receive my own endowments. I expressed in my testimony how excited I was about the conference and I said ," You never know, I might find my Eternal Companion at this conference". Everyone laughed. I got so many compliments after and actually alot of guys approached me and stuff. I was funny because my girlfriends were saying, "I hope they invite me to bear my testimony at the next fireside." My awesome bishop even came up to me and asked for my phone number because a lot of guys were asking for it. I was laughing so hard. Its times like this when I really miss my Wes. I know he is watching over me and he can see how much happiness the gospel brings to my life despite his death. I am just so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and my brother and Savior Jesus Christ and the wonderful Plan of Salvation. Having the truth make my trials seem not so hard because its for a purpose. I truly am excited for the future.

SERVICE AND A DAY AT THE BEACH

So I have been looking forward to today because our ward had a service project doing graffiti removal. This was cool. I tried to be late but ended up being the first one there. But nevertheless I still had tons of fun serving the city of Garden Grove. I enjoyed trying to read the graffiti but had a blast painting over it and jamming to some music from my ever so awesome cell phone. Even our advisors were singing along with us. I was also able to go hang around the tide pools and explore in Corona Del Mar with some friends from my ward. It was a beautiful day until we got to Corona Del Mar and all of a sudden the sun was hiding from us. But we still had a blast.
The Incerdibles/ Group Flick
Me and my friend Gazelem
Taking a break

GOLDEN WEST WARD

I wanted to write a little bit about my ward. I absolutely love my ward and Ive been able to make good friends and do some pretty cool things. I wanted to post some pictures so you guys can see how much fun Im having. My ward is very friendly and they always have something going on. Ive talked with my Bishop and having a calling. I just pray that I will have enough time for work, church, volunteering, and one day dating. But I absolutely love the OC. I dont think I'll ever move back to Rialto or Pomona. But there is defintely more to come. Theres another service project tomorrow and Im hiking around the tidepools with some friends. Im going paintballing next weekend and go an angels game for FHE on Memorial Day.
Stake Service Project at the Urban Forest in Huntington Beach
Me and Alisha on the Party Bus to Hollywood
Hiking Crystal Cove in Newport Beach
The girls at the Dodgers Game
Dating activity at the Shooting Range
At someones birthday party whos in our ward
Clippers game

MY AIR BRAKES TEST...

So this rig is the reason I needed to get my air brake restrictions removed my license. Obtaining this was a big struggle for me. For the CCC you have to have the air brake restricitons removed before your first six months. I was not able to get them removed due to fire season, flood season and my co worker Juan's spike schedule. They gave me a month extension 2 days after Wes passed away. My mind was totally not focused on my air brakes. They gave me another month extension but then my doctor put me on 30 day disability due to my injuries from the accident so legally the CCC could not let me dive the rig until I got cleared. So I thought for sure Sacramento wouldnt give me another extension and I was gonna lose my job. But my boss allowed me to come back to work on modified duty and a week later I was cleared. My boss told me that getting my restrictions removed were my first priority. So I scheduled my test and arranged for drive time on the rig. I had to change my appointment several times due to changes in Juans spike schedule because he drives the rig everyday. I was frustrated. So finally I had my appointmet and the rig to take my test. The day before my test I called my home teacher and asked him for a blessing. In the blessing he said I would pass with flying colors and I truly believed that to be true. I went to the DMV and the lady failed the rig for the test because the tail light was too dim and the license plate needed to be replaced. I went back to the center discouraged and trying to deal with these issues. Juan fixed the tail light and licnese plate. I was preparing the rig a week later to go back to the DMV and the tail light and emergency flashers on the right back side werent working. Then I discovered 4 tries on the rig had no tread and 1 tire had a big huge cut in it. So for sure I couldnt take my test that day. So, my boss, my co worker Cap and I were stressing calling places trying to fix the rig. And finally we did. I reschedule my appointment for the next day. I prayed so hard for the Spirit to be with me. I totally left my passing of this test in the hands of my Father in Heaven. I knew that as much as I loved my job if it was part of Heavenly Fathers plan for me to have this job then so be it. But if not I just asked Heavenly Father if he could jus help me deal with the disappointment but show me what Im suppose to do next. While I was waiting to take my test this Hispanic man came to the rig and started asking me questions about the CCC. At first I was like go away Im trying to study. But I just got out and started talking with this man. He asked for a business card and we talked of the program. Then he asked me if I was Samoan and I said yes. He told me that he went to a Samoan or Tongan LDS church in Fontana. I thought to myself how funny is that? Im talking with a complete stranger about 2 things I love the most. He was saying the LDS church promotes education, families, service, all these great and awesome things. I have to say I was so proud to be an active member of the church and proud to wear my CTR ring. I knew Heavenly Father blessed me with this man to calm my nerves and get me to relax. He gave me some insite to the test. So I did the pre trip, the skills test, and now I was on my way to the Behind the Wheel part. I was so worried about getting up hills and downshifting because I had not mastered that yet. But throughout the test I did the best and if I made a mistake I just kept going instead of getting discouraged. We got back and the lady told me I passed with flying colors. I wanted to scream and hug her. But I thanked her and offered to buy her lunch. I am so thankful for this experience. I have learned many great lessons. Im grateful for my Heavenly Father who is always mindful of me and my desires. So now this is what I drive to projects because Juan took a promotion in Camarillo. This was my first week driving it with my crew. Im barely learning how to drive split shift but I'll master it soon enough.

ITS BEEN A WHILE...

So I havent been on here since the start of fire season last year and a lot has happened since then. I see my family has been keeping up with their pages but I have not. So Im making it a goal to keep up with mine since we all live so far away from each other. So first things first... I wanted to write about the love of my life...my truest friend in the whole world...Westley Tapa Matavao. His passing is the hardest thing that Ive ever had to endure in my life. Though Wes and I have had our bad times I try reflect on the things I learned from him and the good times. At first I thought how can Heavenly father be so cruel as to take away someone I loved with all my heart and leave me here...by myself. A week before he passed away I told Wes that I could get thru anything as long as I had him with me. I blamed myself for the accident and had a hard time coping. But I knew the only way I could get thru this is thru my Savior Jesus Christ and my Father in Heaven. Sometimes I feel like Heavenly Father placed Wes in my life to help me and teach me. Through Wes death I have learned for myself how real the Plan of Salvation is. And how mindful Heavenly Father is of me. Wes is the most beautiful person to me because of his "heart of gold" like Monty said. I feel so blessed to be the person closest to him. I know he is doing Heavenly Fathers work where he is now. His death has brought me closer to Christ. I am so thankful to be a part of this church. Since then I have been faithfully going to my singles ward that I love with all my heart. Work, church, volunteering at the Red Cross and just chilling take up my time. I know I need to spend more time with my family. Sometimes its hard for me to be around you when you are all married with your families growing and Im still single with no Wes. Just give me time. Last fire season I always came home after a fire so excitied to see my family. Id like to do that again. Wes, you know I love you. Until we meet again...